Imagine Characters

“What are you doing in my house?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are you doing in my house?”

“What are you doing with that poker?”

“I’m defending myself.”

“From what?”

“From you?”

“But I’m not threatening you?”

“You’re in my house.”

“You keep saying that?”

“Because you’re in my house.”

“Do you take up a poker to everyone who is, as you say, in your house?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why have you taken one up to me?”

“Because you’re in my house.”

“There you go again. Can we move this conversation on.”

“You’re wearing my clothes.”

“That’s different. What do you mean?”

“You’re wearing my clothes. That’s my suit and shirt.”

“I’m not.”

“And my Noah’s Ark tie.”

“Are you going to carry this on like you did about your house?”

“Why are you wearing my clothes.”

“You’re wearing your clothes.”

“What? No I’m not. Yes I am.”

“So which is it?”

“Take those clothes off.”

“You want me to stand here naked?”


“Shall I close the curtains?”


“People can see in from the street. They may not understand you being here with a naked stranger.”

“Put your own clothes on, then.”

“I don’t have any clothes.”

“You must have clothes. You didn’t walk in here naked.”

“Why not?”

“Because you would have been arrested?”

“They arrest people for having no clothes?”

“No, for being naked.”

“That sounds like the same thing?”

“Of course it’s not the same thing?”

“If I have no clothes I’m naked. If they arrest me it will be for having no clothes.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m glad we’ve finally agreed on something. Perhaps we can make some progress.”

“Why are you here?”

“I’m an explorer.”

“You’re an explorer with no clothes who wants to explore my house and steal my clothes?”

“Well, exploring this house is part of my mission. I want to discover how you live?”

“Why have you picked on me?”

“Not you in particular. The people who live on this planet?”

“This planet? What do your mean, This planet?”

“I’m part of a team exploring other planets. I’ve only just arrived on this one. I don’t even know what it’s called yet.”

“Earth! Hang on, are you saying you’re an alien from another planet?”

“That’s a clumsy way of saying it, but I suppose I am.”

“You don’t look like an alien.”

“You’ve seen other aliens then?”


“So how do you know that I don’t look like an alien?”

“Aliens have big eyes and silvery skin.”

“I thought you said you’ve never seen any.”

“I haven’t, but there have been reports and pictures…anyway, you’re not an alien.”

“Look on me as an explorer. That’s probably a more familiar image.”

“Alien or not. I don’t want you exploring my house and wearing my clothes.”

“Oh dear we’re back here again.”

“How did you get here? Where’s your flying saucer?”

“Flying saucer.”

“That’s how you travel isn’t it? I suppose you intend to abduct me and probe me by pushing things up my bottom?”

“Do you want me to probe you and push things up your bottom?”

“Ewwww, that’s disgusting.”

“I though so too, but you seemed quite keen.”

“So how did you get here?”

“Through a portal.”

“A porthole in your spaceship?”

“A portal in time and space. That one over there.”

“I don’t see any porthole.”

“Maybe you don’t have the depth of vision required.”

“You’re talking nonsense. You’re a nutcase. You need locking up?”

“You lock people up for talking nonsense?”

“Only when they’re mad.”

“So they’re going to lock you up for talking nonsense and say you’re mad?”

“No, they’re going to lock you up for breaking into my house and stealing my clothes.”

“I didn’t break in, I came through a portal. It’s been nice talking to you but I have work to do.”

“What work?”

“I have to examine and photograph all the artefacts here for my report?”

“Put that camera away. You can’t just come in here and photograph all my stuff.”


“I don’t want my photograph taken.”

“You’re an example of the creatures on this planet. I need to record examples.”

“Right, you asked for it…oh my God, my arm is frozen.”

“Sorry about that, but I can’t have you damaging that poker, at least not before I’ve photographed it.”

“I can’t move.”

“Sorry about that too. I have to get this job finished. You’ve held me up a bit.”

“What are you going to do with those photographs when you’ve finished?”

“They are displayed in our shops.”

“You sell photographs?”

“No, we sell the objects and creatures in the photographs.”

“You mean that you’re going to sell me?”

“Can’t promise, but your type is in fashion just now so, with luck, someone will be probing you and pushing things up your bottom in no time.”

“So the alien abduction thing is true?”

“Oh yes. By the way, do you mind if I have that poker. It will look good in my collection. Thank’s. I’ll be off now. Bye.”

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